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So I didn't get into Cabaret. I actually cared this time, but I shouldn't be surprised. Dance auditions went... eh. I'm so not a dancer. And my regular audition... well I just can't tell. That's a real problem. I can't tell if I'm any good at anything. I mean, in high school, I got roles and awards and shit for being "awesome" but it was more relatively awesome. And when compared with about a hundred other high schoolers as opposed to the rest of the world, it's not that hard to be awesome.
Every time I've tried to do something for real, in the actual world, I totally suck at it. This is only my second audition in college, but I didn't even get a callback this time. I auditioned for a show once when I was younger, early teenage years I think, 14 maybe? I had no idea how real auditions worked so I wasn't surprised nothing came of it. Just like not getting onto American Idol was totally deserved. And this whole internship hunt is sucking major balls. I haven't even heard anything from Jacob's Pillow and I was rejected from ATF and Glimmerglass, both of which I thought wouldn't be that difficult; surely, I could get into one of those.
I mean, I can't just totally suck in reality... but there doesn't seem to be substantial evidence against the claim that I do. The compliments could easily be wrong, and that's what I'm trying to not rely on, but it's all that I have to boost my confidence anymore. There are no more awards for me or shows I'm in where I can show off my "skills." I'm stuck doing nothing. Being nobody. Everything I do anymore is average. And the worst part is that I can't tell if I was ever actually talented or if I was fooled into thinking I was.
Sorry for the whinefest. This has just been tormenting me lately. Needed to articulate it.
Every time I've tried to do something for real, in the actual world, I totally suck at it. This is only my second audition in college, but I didn't even get a callback this time. I auditioned for a show once when I was younger, early teenage years I think, 14 maybe? I had no idea how real auditions worked so I wasn't surprised nothing came of it. Just like not getting onto American Idol was totally deserved. And this whole internship hunt is sucking major balls. I haven't even heard anything from Jacob's Pillow and I was rejected from ATF and Glimmerglass, both of which I thought wouldn't be that difficult; surely, I could get into one of those.
I mean, I can't just totally suck in reality... but there doesn't seem to be substantial evidence against the claim that I do. The compliments could easily be wrong, and that's what I'm trying to not rely on, but it's all that I have to boost my confidence anymore. There are no more awards for me or shows I'm in where I can show off my "skills." I'm stuck doing nothing. Being nobody. Everything I do anymore is average. And the worst part is that I can't tell if I was ever actually talented or if I was fooled into thinking I was.
Sorry for the whinefest. This has just been tormenting me lately. Needed to articulate it.
depressed
that doane stuart had propagandized us into believing we were the greatest, that we were subaverage beings.
and if somebody did something mediocre, like drop out of DS and become a tattoo artist (mr weaver told us about this one kid who did that), then he/she would automatically be a "doane stuart failure".
i've been exploring the notion of the "doane stuart failure" a lot lately.
i think DS was a high and now many of us are coming down off of it and reintegrating back into the real world. or getting hit in the face with the real world. having to deal with ppl not knowing who we are, thus not knowing our talent, having to rebuild a reputation all over again. etc.
that being said,
SARAH YOU'RE GREAT!!! what the hell! dont get down on urself. and be glad u didnt get stuck with something as boring as jacobs pillow dance. *shudder*
And I wouldn't be dancing there, I'd be doing production work.
But thanks? xD